If you are trapped at a SAD gig there are numerous ways to try and fill the time, so we've printed a few of the more respectable pastimes below... for some reason, all seem to revolve around drinking heavily.. and if you have any of your own, please let us know by

We realise many of the games rely on being able to hear others in your group, which could make them even stranger if you're by the band, but as most people try to get as far away as possible, any technical problems can be minimised.

Each person starts with a full pint of beer, preferably something inexpensive. Any SAD buggar can understand this game. At a given signal, (perhaps the start of another SAD rendition) players start downing their pints simultaneously. To signal that you have finished you hold the glass upside-down over your head. If anyone does this, all the other players must do the same immediately, whether or not they have finished drinking. Hints: It isn't required that you actually drink the beer before claiming to have won. The winner is the first person to invert their glass above their head regardless of how much left. If you want to upset Torchie & Preston, ( and you're filthy rich), use BUDTM when doing this) Place an empty (?half-pint) glass into a large jug of beer, making sure it floats with stability (some beer in the glass will act as ballast). Each player in turn pours some beer from their own pints into the glass, waiting five seconds after each turn to ensure it doesn't sink. Whoever causes the glass to sink must retrieve it from the bottom of the jug and down its contents in one. Couldn't be simpler, really, although it's probably best you all drink the same beer. Hints: Some risk all by sloshing as much beer as possible into the glass, while the more cautious employ a gentle wrist action. Both techniques are equally ineffective. A subtle and well-timed tap of the table (i.e. cheating) can also produce fruitful results. Sit around a table with peanuts held over your full glass. Each player drops a peanut into their pint simultaneously; the nut sinks to the bottom and then rises. The player whose peanut surfaces last must down their drink. The glass is reloaded and another round is played, with the previous loser counting down the start. New peanuts are distributed every three rounds. Fines are imposed for jumping the gun, attempting to use hollowed out peanuts or missing the glass. Warning, it's best not use Guinness for this game, because the peanut will never be seen again. Each player takes a turn in throwing a matchbox into the middle of the table. If it lands on it's broad flat side, the turn passes clockwise to the next person. If it lands on the long thin side then two fingers worth of drink is added to the total. If it lands up on the end of the matchbox, four fingers goes into the total. If you get one of these two, you keep throwing until it falls on the broad flat side. The turn is then passed on to the next person. They then get one throw. If it lands on the flat side they have to drink however many fingers of drink are in the total. Then the next person! Hint: Sit on the left of the person who can't throw to save their life. Additionally: If any matches fall out of the box, one fingers penalty for each match. If the matchbox is thrown off the table, two fingers penalty. If you throw the matchbox in your own drink, finish it and get another. If you land it in someone else's drink, you drink what's left of their drink and get them another.

Everyone sits around a table with their favourite drinks. SADmad ones can use shots.You need an imaginary ball to pass to each player (SAD people are good at that). You can only say three words.. "Whiz", "Bounce" or "Boing", each have their own meaning: 'WHIZ' : the ball passes to next player. 'BOUNCE' : the ball skips the next player and goes to the following player. 'BOING' : ball hits a wall and reverses direction. Penalty for blunders are downing your drink. The first player says "one", the person on his left says "two", and so on clockwise around the table until a multiple of seven, or a number with seven in it like 17 is reached. At this stage the person says "buzz" rather than the number, and the play switches direction until the next "buzz". To make it more interesting, any number that's a multiple of five or has a five in it, like 51 could also be replaced by "fuzz" However, the play does not switch direction on a "fuzz". If a number is a multiple of both seven and five (such as 35), it's a "buzz-fuzz". If someone does it wrong, they must drink. That player then restarts from the number at which they messed up. If someone is very pissed, they'll be very crap and being crap gets you very pissed. A sure way to lose those SAD blues. Someone kicks off by saying "fuzzy duck" to the person on their left. That person repeats the phrase and the process continues clockwise around the table until someone decides to say "Does he?". Now the direction of play is reversed and the phrase changed to "ducky fuzz". This continues around the table until someone says "Does he?" again, whereupon the direction changes and the phrase reverts to "fuzzy duck". The point of the game is to say it very fast. Anyone who pauses or gets the phrase wrong must drink a pre-determined quantity. If anyone says "Does he?" twice in a row, they must down the rest of their pint. First, appoint one person to be a judge whose decision must be final, or chaos will ensue, particularly as you will be unlikely to hear anything at a SAD gig anyway. One person starts by giving a random word, e.g. "pencil". The next person has to say a related word to "pencil", e.g. "wood". Then the following player has to say something in relation to "wood", e.g. "tree". This goes on until a person can't think of an associated word, or says something totally stupid, and the predetermined quantity is devoured. A great game for SAD gigs..the biggest pisshead begins the game by"making the Viking", by putting both hands to his/her head, fixing the thumbs against the temple and then waving the remaining fingers frantically. Meanwhile, the two people on either side of the person doing the Viking must row the long-ship with the standard Hawaii Five-O style technique. Play changes when the Viking claps his horns together and points to another person, who must immediately don the virtual helmet, and the two players on either side of that person begin rowing. Fines are imposed for hesitation, mistakes or insufficient wiggling.